First, wrap each individual item separately (using some of your seven zillion hoarded scraps of used wrapping paper). Stick them in a box, and stuff the empty spots with something (perhaps that's why you've been saving this!!).
For the outside:
Bright colors, and lots of tape.
Decorate with animal pictures you found in a box on the street last night, ideally.
Unfortunately, to finish the job right you have to go to post office—ie, HELL ON EARTH!
happiest package ever.
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